Happy Places
A picture can be worth a thousand happy thoughts.
I opened up social media the other morning, and as I scrolled I saw a picture that sparked me to introspection.
That image was of a serene lake, surrounded by woods, with the sun out (like the header image of this article).
‘The Outdoors’, ‘The Cottage’, ‘The Lake’, and ‘The Beach’ are very common happy places for a lot of people. And they do make for better scenery than a concrete jungle.
In part it’s escape. It’s quiet and serene. It’s far away from the big grey slabs of the city. Away from the traffic, pollution, advertising everywhere, and the shackles of having to work to live.
Nature is a great place for a ‘reset’ when you’re overwhelmed. After all, science has shown that ‘touching grass’ is really good for us. And nature/outdoors is just one of many possible ‘happy places’ that humans can have.
It got me thinking about some other common ones.
Music
Another common ‘happy place’ for people is music. Whether in a dance club, a concert venue, or a rave, there are many ways to partake. It brings many people joy to get to see one’s favourite artist and/or dancing to the music that resonates best with their spirit.
This reminds me of a quote:
“Art is how we decorate space. Music is how we decorate time. Dance is how we do both at the same time” — Jean Michel Basquiat
Each person’s soul resonates to a particular kind of music. It can be in part related to where you grew up or who you grew up with. I wasn’t very influenced by my parents or family or even friends so I was largely able to find what I liked on my own terms. It just so happened that I resonate most strongly with hard rock and heavy metal music (shout out to Djent!).
While I don’t get out to concerts very often anymore, I still enjoy a good bedroom dance session as much as the next person.
Museums / Art Galleries
Another happy place for many people is places like museums and art galleries. For example, the Ontario Science Centre (pictured above) is a good mixture of the two. It’s good for people (like me) who like to learn and have interesting things to look at.
I suppose you could say that a museum is kind of like a dance club for the mind. In case you didn’t know, continuing to learn new things into old age helps slow down cognitive aging and memory decline.
I’d like to be more involved in some kind of science education or communication. From my earlier days of watching SciShow on YouTube, to writing my own educational ebooks, i’ve done it where and when I can.
“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” — Henry Ford
Sports / Physical Activity
Another happy place for many people is either watching sports, playing sports, or just being active. Things like running, biking, swimming, climbing, and hiking among others. And staying active also helps keep the body and mind stronger and slows down aging.
Whether you’re playing on a team or playing solo, you get to enjoy those sweet, sweet endorphins.
This happy place is also true for me. I’ve always enjoyed moving my body and using my physical intelligence. Even better when I get to be part of a team to accomplish something. I recently got into Pickleball in fact, which is quite fun!
Aside from that, I’ve been a hockey fan my whole life, and also enjoy biking and climbing.
“When you know you gave one hundred percent, win or lose, you find that you have peace of mind and can rest” — Gordie Howe.
Food
For many people (self professed ‘foodies’), at the table with a full plate in front of them is a happy place. We all have our favourite flavours, and it’s a wonderful thing to be able to share that with friends and/or loved ones.
For some people, it’s simply a matter of enjoying the tastes and textures. For others, cooking is their great love. I have known a few such people. People who have put the same level of care, and passion into preparing a meal as a musician puts into writing a great song. That really put into perspective for me that cooking can be so much more.
My version of ‘cooking’ (by comparison) is an etch-a-sketch. But that’s OK! We don’t all have to be gourmets.
While I do not count myself as a food ‘enthusiast’, I am a big fan of a few particular food items. For example — cold, juicy, and sweet fruits and berries in the summertime. In the winter — hot chocolate and waffles or French toast with syrup.
Food is a great uniter, there’s a reason that most major holidays revolve around food and getting together with the people close to us.
“Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate” — Alan D. Wolfelt
Gaming
Another happy place for people is board games, card games, video games, and interactive experiences (such as Virtual Reality).
Like with sports games on the field (or rink), video and board games can also be a great uniter, like food, music, and more.
When you get the right group of people together in a room collaborating like solving an escape room, it can be an exhilarating and bonding experience.
While some games’ playerbases can be more toxic, recent studies have actually shown that video games can be positive for mental, emotional, and social health.
I played a LOT of video games when I was younger, and as an adult I got a lot more into board games. When escape rooms became a thing I got really into those as well. I do love solving puzzles, and as I said, being part of a team to accomplish something.
It’s also great that there are options for both competitive and cooperative games, because we shouldn’t always have to be in competition with each other. But of course, a little friendly competition is fun here and there. I love that board games make it much easier to socialize and make new friends in a relaxed, fun environment.
One of my favourite options is the Jackbox Party Pack video games, particularly #3 and #5. Games like Quiplash, Trivia Murder Party, Guesspionage, Split the Room, Tee K.O., and Mad Verse City.
“The only way to win is to have fun” — Unknown
Arts & Crafts
Another happy place, often for introverts, is crafting and crafty/artistic hobbies. Hobbies like building and/or painting models, making jewelry, building a jigsaw puzzle, etc.
These activities don’t have to be solitary, but they do tend to be more often than not.
Heck, I could even throw in here things like writing, graphic design, and video/audio production. I view theses as similar activities, where you’re taking an idea from your mind or from a package, and bringing it to life. In a way, you’re kind of building a puzzle out of the pieces you have (or that you create). It can be very satisfying.
When I have the time and energy, I take great joy and pride from creating things from nothing but my mind and fingers. The bonus is that when you create things fitting your own taste, then you have something you’ve created that you can (in theory) enjoy in perpetuity!
“Life can wear down the soul, but art reminds you that you have one” — Stella Adler
Reading
Another happy place is being curled up on a couch with a good book. Throw in a fur baby for good measure (i’ll take one soft purring kitty, please!).
Due to ‘adulting’ requiring so much mental bandwidth in our modern age, I’ve had a harder time sitting down and just reading. My brain feels like it should be doing more because most days I am almost always multitasking, so I find it harder to relax this way.
When I am doing things like cleaning or washing dishes sometimes I will listen to audiobooks and remember what a joy a good book can be.
And in the rare cases when I watch a TV show or movie based on a book I’ve actually read, I notice how much gets stripped out to fit the on-screen medium. It’s a bit better with TV shows because there’s more time to tell the story, but a lot still seems to get omitted.
Of course when the weather is miserable out and you can be indoors where it’s warm, dry, and comfy, a good book can absolutely be a good way to spend your time. Especially if you have a pet or partner to snuggle up with.
Heck, you can even build upon the experience . If you’ve never taken the time to let yourself have a long hot bath after a long intense week, you should treat yourself some time.
“I can feel infinitely alive curled up on the sofa reading a book” — Benedict Cumberbatch
Public Speaking / On Stage
There are aspects of each of these happy places that I can appreciate and enjoy, but there is a reason why I saved this for last.
While many people say that public speaking is one of their greatest fears, it has actually become one of my happiest places.
Before I tell you why this has become such a happy place for me, a very short aside. Many people fear public speaking due to anxiety or lack of confidence. Confidence and happiness are a bit like a chicken and an egg.
As this Psychology Today article puts it, “Self-esteem may emerge from a conscious commitment to greater happiness”. My happiness has certainly been better since my confidence has been better, but it was a long journey.
As a kid, I was very socially awkward, and shy. I didn’t even have enough friends to count on one hand, and I wasn’t good at making new ones. I was also very introverted and had a big imagination so despite spending most of my childhood alone in my bedroom, I was seldom bored.
I spent a lot of time developing my inner self. The catch was that I was not also developing my outer self to the same degree. That would come much later.
Over and over again — in elementary school, in high school, in college, in jobs after college — I struggled socially. I did make a few more friends later, but rarely made deeper connections with people. I never had the kind of ‘ride or die’ best friend that everyone else seemed to.
I realized in my mid 20s that I was missing out on so many opportunities, professional, romantic, and otherwise. I wasn’t dumb, but I lacked confidence and good communication skills. If you’d put me on a stage in front of a microphone, my voice would have cracked and I’d have run away.
It was painfully obvious that I had to get better with my speaking and confidence. So I started metaphorically throwing myself at the wall, over and over again. Year after year, failing hundreds of times, but a little less each year. And over a decade, the improvements added up.
I started to get desensitized to rejection. I learned how to lean into awkwardness and embarrassment (which as it turns out, projects confidence!). And most importantly — I learned how to push myself to go and break the ice quickly.
I slowly got better at expressing myself and refined my ‘elevator pitch’. I figured out the right questions to ask and how to say enough with fewer words.
I started to notice something.
You see, while I was going through my decade of refining my social skills the hard way, there were a few kind souls along the way who noticed me and tried to help. They helped introduce me to new people when I was nervous or anxious. They’d give me tips or leads or names of people to reach out to.
For a lot of people, the terror is just speaking the first words to a stranger. Once you’re past that, it takes a big load off. Having someone do the intro for you gets you where you need to be. It’s great to have that help until you don’t need it anymore.
If you’re confident and willing to speak up when someone else isn’t, you can lend them a bit of your confidence and social power. And that can help form new bonds.
So now I try to do that for others that I see are afraid to make the first move but once the ice is broken they can hold their own.
“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all” — Aristotle
After my (roughly) 10 years of learning the hard way, I had reached a new level, but there are always more ways to grow and challenge yourself.
Before the pandemic, I took some improv classes. That was scary, but that was also a HUGE boost to my confidence and helped further reduce my anxiety. Improv class is all about letting go, being vulnerable, supporting your scene mates.
Improv is wonderful because the goal is to elevate everyone around you as much as possible. When everyone is supporting everyone else, there is no failure. Improv class teaches you how to be OK with not being perfect, because even if you ‘drop the ball’, one of your classmates will catch it.
That’s a great way to practice and learn how to not fear dropping the ball socially anymore. Even though outside of class, you may not have the same support, it helps relax those nerves. It increases your base level of confidence.
Several years later I took another step — I took a standup comedy class which included a live showcase in front of strangers. My years of getting desensitized to social failure and rejection paid off. I could feel it.
Right in the middle of my set I forgot a punchline just before I was about to say it. Talk about a momentum killer. Past me would have been mortified and ran off the stage in embarrassment.
Instead of freaking out, I started counting to 5 in my head, and if by 5 I hadn’t remembered, I’d just move on to the next joke. Thankfully, by the count of 4 I managed to remember and finished the joke, then moved on with my set. Great save!
I’ve since done another set withstrangers on zoom and gotten positive feedback. I’m applying to local live storytelling events as well.
After having the lonely and isolated youth that I did and still struggling as an adult for many years, this turnaround is not lost on me. I’m very proud. Being able to be in front of a room of people and being able to hold their attention or make them laugh is a dream come true.
I’m excited to affect people positively, one word at a time, whether from the page or from the stage. I feel like I’ve only just begun!
Just look at the pure, natural joy on my face below:
“People won’t remember what you said, or what you did, they will remember how you made them feel” — Maya Angelou
What’s your happiest place, and why?
Lacey Artemis is an artist, writer, musician, and more. You can find all of her work online at www.laceyartemis.com.