Great Minds Think Alike

Lacey Artemis
11 min readApr 9, 2024

Some wise words to lead your life by, curated with care.

I am a curator. Over the years I’ve come across a number of quotes, and back in 2015, I compiled a whole pile of them into a free ebook. That’s where all the following quotes came from.

“Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act”
-Leonard Cohen

I love the simplicity of this one, and it’s a very Dr. Seuss-ian rephrase of how it is so often said that we are the culmination of our habits so once we are able to adopt and maintain more positive habits and fewer ‘bad’ habits, we have started to ‘act’ more the way we want to be (changed our habits), and in turn, we become the way we acted (the new habits just become the new normal for us).

“Time decides who you meet in life,
your heart decides who you want in your life,
and your behaviour decides who stays in your life”
-Ziad K. Abdelnour

I like this one because the last line serves as a reminder that it goes both ways, relationships are a two way street.

ie if I behave poorly, other people (whom I might want in my life) might not keep me in their life, and if others behave poorly, I won’t want to keep them in my life.

Becoming friends, or more, depends on two people’s hearts deciding that they want to remain in each other’s lives, and they (generally) commit to behaving such that both parties will feel encouraged to keep coming back.

“Do not just slay your demons, dissect them and find what they’ve been feeding on”
-The man frozen in time

In other words, if you don’t know the root of your ‘problems’, you won’t be able to fix it and the ‘problems’ will likely persist.

I interpret my ‘demons’ to mean my trauma, my baggage, my flaws — how can I heal, grow, and do better?

Similarly there is a saying ‘if you keep changing your environment and your problems don’t go away, the problem isn’t your environment, it’s you’.

“It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war”
-Unknown

Essentially a rephrase of ‘it is better to have and not need than to need and not have’. In other words, being a ‘warrior’ means being prepared to deal with difficulty, even when difficulty is not present.

But we have to be careful to not equate ‘warrior’ with being firm and impenetrable, steeled up, uncaring. While yes, steeling yourself to protect yourself from harm/hurt at times makes sense, we do need to also be vulnerable sometimes.

If one is incapable of softness and vulnerability, I would dare say they might have a few too many sharp edges that could potentially hurt those around them.

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you”
-John Southard

I wish this was printed on a giant billboard in every city. I wish every time we unlocked our phones or turned on any kind of screen, a message like this would be the first thing to greet us.

Our society has become so individualistic, so focused on how each person can ‘get ahead’. But no one gets ahead purely of their own efforts. We stand on the shoulders of giants, as they say.

Pay it forward!

“Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them”
-Unknown

On the flipside of the last one, know your worth.

If people are not making you feel appreciated or not recognizing your efforts, that’s a signal that you can notice and take action on. That action could be saying to them ‘hey, I am not feeling appreciated by you’ and see how they react, or it could be just letting them go if you don’t feel you want to chase.

“You have to understand the difference between someone who speaks to you on their free time and someone who frees their time to speak to you”
-Unknown

And when you find those people who free their time to speak to you, do your best to make sure that you both feel that time was well-spent!

“The true mark of maturity is when someone hurts you,
you try to understand their situation instead of hurting them back”
-Unknown

Each time I lose my head and act based on old wounds or childhood trauma that I’m still in the process of healing, I remember this quote and wince.

And that’s why each time I realize I lashed out unfairly, I do my best to own up it and try to do better.

In a perfect world I would never get angry, and never have knee-jerk emotional reactions. Part of that is healing, part of that is trusting the other person. When trust gets broken, it really comes down to how much you trust and respect yourself, to not feel that lashing out is what you want to do.

“The only true apology is changing the behaviour that caused the harm in the first place”
-Unknown

You might have heard of something called a ‘notpology’. It’s when someone says ‘I’m sorry if you were offended’. Why is that ‘not’ an apology?

A proper apology acknowledges the harm done, and addresses what will be done to remedy the harm done and prevent it from happening again. A proper apology takes responsibility.

‘I’m sorry you were offended’ does none of that. It should be at the very least ‘I’m sorry that my action caused you harm’.

I have heard it said that in a relationship, the best example of someone loving and respecting you is that you have expressed your boundaries, and never have to enforce them.

And that makes sense. In a completely ideal scenario the person cares so much about you, that they make a serious effort to understand your needs and rarely if ever do things that cause you to have to remind them of your boundaries.

Of course many relationships don’t start that ‘perfect’ but you work on it over time. But if you keep having to remind someone of the same boundaries, they are not respecting you.

“The difference between a therapist and a life coach is where you are in life.
If you’re having a bad day, it’s therapy.
A good day? It’s life coaching.
A therapist helps you learn to survive.
A life coach teaches you to thrive.
They can be one and the same person”
-Melissa Fabello

I have been in therapy off and on for many years, and what finally ‘clicked’ for me this year was that my therapist has been slowly training me to think like her. Or rather, teaching me how to use the same tools to help myself that she does as a therapist to help me and others.

When I’m having a good day, I become my own life coach, and can even be a coach or therapist of sorts to my friends/family. When I’m having a bad day, I go to friends and they can become my temporary coach or therapist. And if we’re both having a bad day, we can give each other therapy.

“There is a battle of two wolves inside us all
One is evil, anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego
The other is good, joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth
Which wolf wins?
The one that you feed”
-Cherokee proverb

A very similar idea, again, on your good days you feed the good wolf, and on the bad days you hope your friends and family can help you feed the good wolf more than the bad wolf.

“People were created to be loved, and things were created to be used
The reason the world is in chaos is because
Things are being loved and people are being used”
-Unknown

I will grant that this is an over-simplification, but the core idea feels more true than not.

“Do not educate your children to be rich, educate them to be happy
That way, when they grow up they will know the value of things rather than the price”
-Unknown

Not much extra is needed to be said here.

“Most people think there are a lot of bad people running around in the world. There aren’t a lot of bad people, there are a lot of bad ideas, and bad ideas are worse than bad people because bad ideas are contagious. Bad ideas get good people to do horrible things”
-Sam Harris

First off let me say I know Sam Harris is a controversial figure and I only include this quote because I agree with it, separate from anything else he has said. This is by no means an endorsement of him. I just agree with this quote and believe it to be true.

I do believe more people are inherently good and kind than not, but many people haven’t been taught/haven’t learned enough emotional intelligence. I am of the belief that we are born at least neutral with a tendency to lean towards empathy/caring without ‘negative intervention’ (ie growing up in an abusive home).

But depending on our experiences during our formative years, that innate empathy can be ‘overwritten’/overpowered with other things that obscure it (like selfishness, or other trauma).

I feel like societal messaging encourages us both to be kind to one another but also to seek power and control, however since we live in a capitalist system, the latter is more strongly re-enforced. And as that other saying goes — ‘absolute power corrupts absolutely’.

The more people who seek power, the more that can shift the balance. One could argue this is why it’s important to fight for public services vs privatized services.

A leader doesn’t demand obedience, they ask for trust, and people choose to give it or not. That isn’t absolute power because it can be revoked at any time. Good people recognize honour and humility and selflessness, and want to support it. ‘Bad’ people would seek to exploit those traits. Then the key becomes educating people to recognize selfish, manipulative, ‘toxic’ behaviour and cut it off at the source.

And this is why I think therapy and efforts towards personal growth are so important, as that is how we learn as people to better identify good and bad ideas/behaviour, and support the right ones.

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not in fact just surrounded by assholes”
-Debi Hope

Related to your behaviour deciding who stays in your life. One of the most freeing things is realizing when people in our life are holding us back, or no longer contributing to our growth.

Some people remain friends for life, others come into our lives at one point, and no longer make sense to still be there 2, 10, 20 years later. Not necessarily because they are bad people, but maybe you just end up growing in different directions.

“We get to operate in this world as if we’re healthy, until someone tells us we’re not”
-Ian Danskin

In a sense, yes. However these days there is also no shortage of people/companies telling us we’re not healthy, because they have a ‘solution’ to sell us. As always, there’s a happy medium somewhere.

“People think that grief slowly gets smaller with time,
In reality grief stays the same size, but slowly life begins to grow bigger around it.
You can grow around your grief”
-Lois Tonkin

This one may not seem as intuitive, but if you’ve ever been through a breakup (and not jumped right into a new relationship right away), let yourself heal and get back to a place where you’re okay as just yourself, not with someone else. You’ve grown around your grief.

Or if you’ve lost a loved one, over time the ache of the loss slowly fades such that it goes from unbearable, to bearable.

Do you still miss the person? Most likely in some capacity. But you’re OK. You’ve grown.

Same way that whenever we go through a hard thing in life, the thing doesn’t get easier, we just get stronger/better at managing it. We grow.

“You are the made up of the sum of your favourite parts of everyone you’ve ever met”
-Unknown

This is a fun one, because I’m sure we can all think of at least one mannerism we’ve picked up from someone else, whether a friend or partner or coworker. For many of us, our sense of humour definitely derives from the people we find most funny.

Similarly as earlier, in emulating the people who are the way we would like to act, we become like them.

“Always strive to be nice, but never fail to be kind”
-Dr. Who

This has actually become one of my pet peeves, whenever someone says ‘oh they’re the nicest person!’.

Nice people will lie behind your back. Kind people will be honest to your face.

Niceness is to Kindness as Sympathy is to Empathy.
One takes real effort, the other is performative.

So yes, strive to be courteous, but never fail to be respectful and genuine.

“My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying”
-Sara Blakely

I don’t have a whole lot to add to this one, other than as with anything, moderation is key. Don’t take this to an unhealthy degree!

“Discussion is always better than argument because argument is about who is right and discussion is to find out what is right”
-Unknown

A good thing to remember!

Also a self insight I’ve had on this note recently — sometimes ‘needing to feel heard/validated’ can look like ‘needing to be right’, but it’s not the same thing.

Sometimes I argue because I don’t feel appreciated or acknowledged, and I’m really just looking for them to say something that gives me that feeling. I’m getting better at becoming aware of that in the moment and calling it out.

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save;
they just stand there shining”
-Anne Lamott

Another one that I definitely struggle with at times. My particular childhood trauma has caused me to be more of a people pleaser, and seeking validation from others, and so my goal in growth and healing is to be more of a lighthouse.

To recognize my value and what I offer, and learn to trust that people will see it and come to me. It’s not easy when you have to get your self-esteem from DLC (Downloadable Content)!

“The love you’re given will pour right through your hand if you don’t know who you are”
-Bruce McCulloch

Again, as someone who grew up feeling like the only way I mattered is if other people liked me, this is a lesson I keep working at every day. I’ve come a long way but there’s always more room to grow!

“Feelings are like kids, you don’t want to let them drive
but you don’t want to stuff them in the trunk either”
-Quote from the movie “Thanks For Sharing”

If you don’t learn to handle your emotions, they will handle you. Teach them to be your copilot, but you’re the Captain.

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that
they see the past better than it was,
the present worse than it is,
and the future less resolved than it will be”
-Marcel Pagnol

I often lose sight of this perspective so it’s good to remind myself periodically.

“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come”
-Caro Chan

A simplified version of the previous quote, if you’re looking for something easy to jot on a post it and stick to your monitor.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
-Nelson Mandela

Because even I sometimes need a reminder, someone is always going to ‘have’ something I want but don’t have, and the best thing for me to do is to think ‘okay, what can I do to get more of what I want in my life?’.

Lacey Artemis is an artist, writer, musician, and more. You can find all of her work online at www.laceyartemis.com.

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Lacey Artemis
Lacey Artemis

Written by Lacey Artemis

Perpetually curious, creatively inclined extrovert. Ponder, write, repeat. she/her. www.laceyartemis.com

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